Sober October - Day 8 - The Fuck Its
It's day 8 of #SoberOctober and here we are. Still doing this deal. I’m writing this one for me because it’s that time of year when it’s starts to get dark early and the season is changing and I start wobbling on the beam. It’s the 4th quarter. There are certain days and moments of sobriety that feel a bit like the 4th quarter. You’re either going to dig deep and recommit to your habits and goals and vision—or you’re going to give into the “fuck its” and let the combination of gravity and inertia and laziness and lack of self-discipline and pull you down.
I often get the fuck its the day after a milestone. Day 8. Day 15. Day 32. Day 61. Fuck it. Let's party. Or I’ll get them around my sober birthday—which happens to be October 18th. The desire to self-destruct or escape or undo all the gains I’ve made calls to me like Sirens and the song they’re singing is, “FUCK IT."
“Bridget, go get a bottle of wine and smoke some herb and let your brain turn off. Tune out the noise of the election, the world and the impending sense of doom that lurks in the shadows. It would be fantastic to blast some jazz and cook and pretend you’re a normal drinker; just a middle aged lady having a bottle or three of wine on a Thursday night in October. You can do this for a day and get right back on the wagon,” the Sirens say.
“What’s the point of all this sober nonsense anyway in the face of the world on fire? Everyone needs an escape. It’s not normal to be present in your head all the time.” The Sirens are convincing.
But. I know better than to heed their call. For me, the fuck its spell death. Whether it’s literal death or the death of a dream or a relationship or momentum—giving into the call to surrender to temptation almost certainly leads to trouble. It's easy for me to give up all my gains for the year in three months. I know because I've done it. Hell, if I started drinking and using, I’m not certain that I wouldn’t burn my life down within the span of a few weeks. So why even risk it?
On the course we set for ourselves, whether it’s 31 days of sobriety or writing a book or learning a new skill or starting a business (and maintaining it) or raising a child—we are going to have days, weeks, even months where we might not be bringing our A-game. We might be maintaining with our C-game or maybe, we’re just holding on for dear life. Maybe we’ve fallen off the beam completely and given into the FUCK ITS.
As long as you still have breath—that’s okay.
What matters is that today we get back up and we don’t give up. We recommit. We stay the fucking course. We remind ourselves what our intentions were when we started this journey and that temptations and distractions are just tests we need to pass along the way.
Just for today, tell the fuck its to fuck off.
HOMEWORK: When are you in most danger of giving into the FUCK ITS? What are your biggest temptations and triggers?